November 07, 2003
Hot Dog Solutions
Let me just start off by saying that I know this isn't really that important but it has become an annoyance and is a very solvable problem. Now, anyone that shops for hot dogs knows that they come in all different sizes and product content, be they turkey, beef, pork, chicken or a mixture thereof. Not to mention the other unmentionables that one might find in their favorite wiener. I have recently be seduced by a certain kind of hot dog made by the people at Maple Leaf. 
They are called "Top Dogs Singles" and the come individually packaged and cook neatly, with no mess, in that package, in 20 seconds. Meaning that by the time you get the mustard on your bun the dogs are ready to go.
The problem, however, now that I have found my perfect hot dog wiener, is trying to find a corresponding bun. It really shouldn't be an issue to match up the perfect wiener with the perfect bun. The main problem lies in the quantities in which the separate products are sold. Buns are, traditionally, sold in dozens. I don't expect that to change as bakers are usually stogy, old, curmudgeons who haven't come up with any new ideas since the now famous "sliced bread". So it is left up to the wiener makers to bridge the gap. Oh sure, you can find an occasional package of wieners with 12 inside, but they are far from adequate as they are usually to small to fit in any decent sized bun. The next most popular wiener at the supermarket is the "BBQ Style" which usually come in packages of 8. Not only are they too large, so as to throw off the all important bread to meat ratio, but in order to match buns to wieners you need 3 packages of wieners and 2 dozen buns. My dilemma is that the "Top Dogs Singles" come in packages of 10. So lets figure this one out, with a lowest common multiple of 60, that leaves me having to buy 6 packages of wieners and 5 dozen buns. As you can imagine this is completely unacceptable as I have neither the fridge space nor the freezer space to accommodate this volume of food.
We really need someone to step up and provide a complete hot dog solution. Providing "complete solutions" is all the rage these days. The iPod/iTunes Music Store digital music solution is one that sparked my desire for a wiener/bun solution. One of these wiener companies should really get in to the bun market and perhaps co-brand a complete hot dog solution. The alcohol people figured it out a few years ago, sell the booze "pre-mixed" and you sell more booze.
I really don't expect anyone to come up with a solution to this culinary Gordian Knot, but if they have time to come up with ways to make ketchup purple, then why not? I suppose I could always "go bulk" and buy my buns "a la carte", but I shouldn't have to. There is far too much put on the shoulders of the consumer already, with sorting through the 4000+ items in a typical grocery store, to have to count their individual wieners and buns. So c'mon, wiener makers get your act together, solve my problem! This whole thing has made me hungry. I'd get a hot dog....but all I've got is buns.